Cleaning out the Clutter

I have a dream…a dream that every closet, every cabinet and every drawer is neat, organized, and I know what’s in them. I have a dream that all my mail is filed, that if I have company staying with me, they can open the cupboard where the extra toilet paper is kept and I won’t feel shame. I have a dream that my desk looks neat, that there are no piles of miscellaneous papers, no stacks of Post It Notes I have to look through to find a number I need.

For some people neatness comes naturally. Some people are unable to go to sleep unless everything is put neatly in its place. I am not one of those people. I learned that the perception of neatness would keep me out of trouble when I was a kid so I would throw everything under my bed. I became a hider of cluttered stuff and even into adulthood I will at times slip back into that space.

As I mentioned earlier, this year has been stressful and the tenuous grasp on a clutter free environment entirely unraveled. My office became a place I did not want to be in which is unfortunate because I work from home. I started working at my laptop in the living room as opposed to the ergonomically correct desk I invested in a few years ago. Every time I thought I should get myself organized I would quickly dismiss the idea for a higher priority item on the To Do list.

As a life coach people come to me when they need support in some area of their life and it finally dawned on me that perhaps I should do the same. I hired a professional organizer to come in and organize my office, office closet and entryway cupboards. The results have been amazing. I am sitting in my office right now loving it. I have been putting things away and the desk looks exactly as it did when the organizer cleaned it over a week ago. I feel lighter, more focused, more energized, and more at peace. It’s as if un-cluttering my cluttered spaces have released me somehow.

My commitment is to one day at a time put my things away in the places my organizer arranged for me. I am willing to practice maintaining a clutter free environment today and I intend to make the same commitment tomorrow.

Where have I been?

Ralph Waldo Emerson described my year best when he said, “For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

I have had some amazing moments and some extremely challenging moments. I know every year can be described that way, but it seems for me 2009 has been a time of extremes.

I have experienced sick family members, sick friends, career challenges, education decisions, extreme sadness and extreme joy. I have lost sleep, gained pounds, lost track of friends and reconnected with long lost friends and classmates. I have taken risks that did not pan out and skirted risks that might have. I have hidden under the covers and sat in a jeep in the South African bush watching wild lions have a buffalo for dinner. I have hibernated on my couch in front of the TV and I traveled to Spain to Familia Sagrada, a church designed by Antoni Gaudi that cannot be described with words or truly captured in pictures.

I lost myself in the most familiar of places and found myself in the most miraculous and foreign places. I had a moment in the bush when everyone in the vehicle was silently staring at a lion lying in the road staring back at us, when I felt connected to everything and utterly at peace. I had moments with my closest friends when I felt utterly alone. Finding moments of sadness in South Africa taught me on a visceral level that everywhere you go, there you are.

Generally speaking I do not experience change gracefully. This has not been a graceful year for me, but there is change on the horizon. When I look back at this year I know there is some major shift I am making and I believe on the other side is something wonderful. Last night a friend told me she is entering a new phase of her life and I really connected with that idea. I’m not certain what this new phase will look like but I am ready to share again.

I am missing the familiar, but I am gaining a new vision of what my life can be. As I pursue that vision I must let go of the old vision to be open to the possibilities as they unfold.

I am sorry I have been silent so long but I am back.

Single and Cooking

No, this is not going to be a racy blog, although I reserve the right to write a racy one at a later date. ;) I literally mean single and cooking.

I think a lot of singles don’t cook because there is no sense cooking for one. Some don’t cook because they don’t know how and some don’t cook because of time. I would have said all three of those things in years past, but no more.

I work out of the house and used to wait until I was hungry to think about lunch. Unfortunately, at that point I am asking what is quick, inexpensive and sounds good. For me that is rarely the healthiest option. I know Subway carries salads, I know they sponsor and are therefore recommended by “The Biggest Loser,” but I think the trainers are suggesting a turkey sub with no cheese. I like the Italian with provolone.

I started cooking regularly a few years ago. I found a website with recipes, reviews, and usually nutritional information. (www.Allrecipes.com) I started easy and usually only for me to gain confidence. Nowadays I love cooking for other people but it was a gradual confidence building process. When I cook I always cook a large enough portion for leftovers so I don’t have to cook every single meal. This week it was turkey meatloaf and salmon. I made a large enough turkey meatloaf to get me through lunch every day this week. I make a great turkey meatloaf and it’s easy to reheat. Another favorite is chicken salad. I will cook up over a pound of chicken breast and store it in a container. Then I chop vegetables for a salad and every day I simply portion out enough for a meal. Obviously I plan my food in advance. Not on a daily basis but on a weekly basis. For variety I make lunch or dinner plans with someone else. It wouldn’t work if I weren’t willing to hold myself accountable for eating what’s in the fridge as opposed to what I would call mood eating, which usually involves junk food.

I love cooking for two main reasons. The first is having lunch in the fridge is one less decision to make during the day. It keeps me physically on track so that I am better equipped to be mentally on track during a busy work day. Secondly, cooking for myself is kind, loving, empowering, and fiscally responsible. Breaking through the cooking barrier has been one of my most successful actions in my commitment to treat my body with love and respect.

Not Sleeping Well... Again

Since elementary school I have had problems with insomnia. When I was younger I would have a bad dream and stay up all night, afraid to fall back to sleep. I had recurring nightmares growing up that I’m certain a Freud would have a field day with. When my dad passed away I found I could fall asleep but would wake up by 4am and couldn’t get back to sleep. I was avoiding the grieving process and until I let myself grieve, I was up by 4am most days.

I’ve taken everything from Tylenol PM to Abien, Melatonin to herbal baths. The great part about the chemical sleep aids is that while they don’t allow me to sleep during the night, they do heighten my exhaustion during the day. There have been days I feel sick with exhaustion, but on the up side I usually sleep pretty well that night. There is nothing more relaxing than a cup of chamomile tea and a hot bath at 4am and nothing more frustrating than discovering you still can’t sleep when you get out of the bath and back in bed.

In the last decade I’ve discovered, for me sleeplessness is my body and minds response to my avoiding feelings and change. It’s that simple. When I procrastinate a break up, I stop sleeping through the night. When I avoid acting on a decision because it’s scary, or I am afraid of disappointing or hurting someone, I stop sleeping through the night. When I pretend I am ok with something that really does bother me, I stop sleeping through the night.

I was up at 4:40am this morning. That’s been happening more often in the last few months. I am at a crossroad and even though I have already made my decision, I have more feelings to process before I am ready to take action. The key at this point is to actively work on processing those feelings and moving forward. The longer I stagnate the less sleep I will get, the more irritable I will be and the more my health will suffer.

Self- care is easy when you’re happy. The real test comes when you reach a crossroad and are uncomfortable to act. Do I continue to exercise consistently, eat nutritionally and vent when I need to or do I hold it all in, skip the gym and hit McDonalds? Fortunately for me the gym is a survival technique now and without it the stress would swallow me whole. I am also grateful that I now know what insomnia means for me and am quicker to act as opposed to acting out destructively.

I am lucky. The decisions before me are not life and death and there is more to be grateful for then there is to complain about. My crossroad is a place of abundance, of choice and of opportunity. For me it is about making the choice that represents my authentic self. It is about honoring who I am and what I want out of my life. And it is about getting a better night's sleep tonight. I'm beat!

Ignoretion, my new time management tool

Ignoretion…a new word created by my business coach to support me with time management.

The problem I faced I was working on two entirely different businesses at once. One business, my coaching business is entirely my own and the other is a project I am doing for someone else's business with other people. The project is not “supposed” to be full time and yet with the constant influx of calls and emails, stress and challenges, it had become pretty close to full time. My coaching business was definitely taking a back seat if even in the car at all.

I realized what was happening was a combination of time management, poor boundaries and fear. The project which has created so much stress and frustration for the last several months is at least somewhat familiar as it is in the field I have been doing for several years. My coaching business is where the biggest risks lie. I am risking failing at my passion and if I failed at what I am passionate about what will that say about me. Instead I simply allow myself to be too busy to follow my passion and suddenly it is no longer my fault. Of course because I am a coach, trained to recognize these patterns in my clients, I realized what was happening and am now forced to hold myself accountable. I am so grateful because in the past I would have simply allowed myself to fall short of my goals and place the blame elsewhere.

The solution at this point is ignoretion. This lovely little made up word gives me permission to ignore emails and phone calls for a period of time every day so that I may accomplish a thing or two towards building my coaching business. That time period may be shorter some days than others, but regardless of the time frame, I get to spend some period of every day dedicated to being a coach.

It’s only been two days but so far I have contacted everyone who recently said they were interested in coaching from an event I attended and I have written this. I wonder how much I can get done by the end of the week.

Stress seems to be in the air right now. We are all very busy. The question is, what part of your life would be enhanced if you practiced a bit of ignoretion? Are you willing to give it a try?

Insights from a Chick Flick

Last Monday I went to go see the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” It made me laugh. It was not the greatest movie I’ve ever seen but definitely entertaining. The entire movie is about making the same point over and over again; if he doesn’t pursue you he isn’t interested in you. The fun part is watching what women do, creating stories to explain his lack of interest, his not calling, his not purposing. They have friends to co-sign their stories, to support them in creating elaborate explanations as to why he didn’t call or write, complete with subtext behind every word, pause and expression. I laughed because at some point, to some degree, I and just about every woman I know have been through that phase. My big high school crush, looking back I hardly knew him. That didn’t matter though, I took the small amount I did know and made up the rest to suit my 16 year old fantasy of what love should look like. The disappointment was just part of the drama I was playing out. As I got older I began finding the drama exhausting and found that taking men and everything they say at face value would save me a lot of time and energy.

The movie got me thinking though. Where else in my life have I filled in the blanks as opposed to facing an uncomfortable truth? Did I make someone else into a villain as opposed to taking personal responsibility for being in the situation in the first place? Did I blame my body for it not being in the shape I wanted it in, as opposed to taking responsibility for how I treated my body? Did I blame my family for their discouraging me from taking that job across the country, as opposed to acknowledging I was simply afraid to go?

The only way to really take control of your body, your relationships, your career, and your life is to take personal responsibility. That means no filling in the blanks, no stores, no excuses, no explanations and no sugar coating. Reality is reality. If he doesn’t call he’s not into you. Decisions I make because of someone else are not the responsibility or fault of someone else. How I eat, how much I exercise, how much I sleep is not the fault of my boyfriend, my boss or anyone outside of myself. There is freedom in truth, there is freedom in personal responsibility, and there is freedom in standing in your power and embracing a path of your choosing.

It was a silly chick flick with a great reminder message and a fair amount of giggles. I recommend it.