Where have I been?

Ralph Waldo Emerson described my year best when he said, “For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

I have had some amazing moments and some extremely challenging moments. I know every year can be described that way, but it seems for me 2009 has been a time of extremes.

I have experienced sick family members, sick friends, career challenges, education decisions, extreme sadness and extreme joy. I have lost sleep, gained pounds, lost track of friends and reconnected with long lost friends and classmates. I have taken risks that did not pan out and skirted risks that might have. I have hidden under the covers and sat in a jeep in the South African bush watching wild lions have a buffalo for dinner. I have hibernated on my couch in front of the TV and I traveled to Spain to Familia Sagrada, a church designed by Antoni Gaudi that cannot be described with words or truly captured in pictures.

I lost myself in the most familiar of places and found myself in the most miraculous and foreign places. I had a moment in the bush when everyone in the vehicle was silently staring at a lion lying in the road staring back at us, when I felt connected to everything and utterly at peace. I had moments with my closest friends when I felt utterly alone. Finding moments of sadness in South Africa taught me on a visceral level that everywhere you go, there you are.

Generally speaking I do not experience change gracefully. This has not been a graceful year for me, but there is change on the horizon. When I look back at this year I know there is some major shift I am making and I believe on the other side is something wonderful. Last night a friend told me she is entering a new phase of her life and I really connected with that idea. I’m not certain what this new phase will look like but I am ready to share again.

I am missing the familiar, but I am gaining a new vision of what my life can be. As I pursue that vision I must let go of the old vision to be open to the possibilities as they unfold.

I am sorry I have been silent so long but I am back.