Cleaning out the Clutter

I have a dream…a dream that every closet, every cabinet and every drawer is neat, organized, and I know what’s in them. I have a dream that all my mail is filed, that if I have company staying with me, they can open the cupboard where the extra toilet paper is kept and I won’t feel shame. I have a dream that my desk looks neat, that there are no piles of miscellaneous papers, no stacks of Post It Notes I have to look through to find a number I need.

For some people neatness comes naturally. Some people are unable to go to sleep unless everything is put neatly in its place. I am not one of those people. I learned that the perception of neatness would keep me out of trouble when I was a kid so I would throw everything under my bed. I became a hider of cluttered stuff and even into adulthood I will at times slip back into that space.

As I mentioned earlier, this year has been stressful and the tenuous grasp on a clutter free environment entirely unraveled. My office became a place I did not want to be in which is unfortunate because I work from home. I started working at my laptop in the living room as opposed to the ergonomically correct desk I invested in a few years ago. Every time I thought I should get myself organized I would quickly dismiss the idea for a higher priority item on the To Do list.

As a life coach people come to me when they need support in some area of their life and it finally dawned on me that perhaps I should do the same. I hired a professional organizer to come in and organize my office, office closet and entryway cupboards. The results have been amazing. I am sitting in my office right now loving it. I have been putting things away and the desk looks exactly as it did when the organizer cleaned it over a week ago. I feel lighter, more focused, more energized, and more at peace. It’s as if un-cluttering my cluttered spaces have released me somehow.

My commitment is to one day at a time put my things away in the places my organizer arranged for me. I am willing to practice maintaining a clutter free environment today and I intend to make the same commitment tomorrow.

Where have I been?

Ralph Waldo Emerson described my year best when he said, “For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

I have had some amazing moments and some extremely challenging moments. I know every year can be described that way, but it seems for me 2009 has been a time of extremes.

I have experienced sick family members, sick friends, career challenges, education decisions, extreme sadness and extreme joy. I have lost sleep, gained pounds, lost track of friends and reconnected with long lost friends and classmates. I have taken risks that did not pan out and skirted risks that might have. I have hidden under the covers and sat in a jeep in the South African bush watching wild lions have a buffalo for dinner. I have hibernated on my couch in front of the TV and I traveled to Spain to Familia Sagrada, a church designed by Antoni Gaudi that cannot be described with words or truly captured in pictures.

I lost myself in the most familiar of places and found myself in the most miraculous and foreign places. I had a moment in the bush when everyone in the vehicle was silently staring at a lion lying in the road staring back at us, when I felt connected to everything and utterly at peace. I had moments with my closest friends when I felt utterly alone. Finding moments of sadness in South Africa taught me on a visceral level that everywhere you go, there you are.

Generally speaking I do not experience change gracefully. This has not been a graceful year for me, but there is change on the horizon. When I look back at this year I know there is some major shift I am making and I believe on the other side is something wonderful. Last night a friend told me she is entering a new phase of her life and I really connected with that idea. I’m not certain what this new phase will look like but I am ready to share again.

I am missing the familiar, but I am gaining a new vision of what my life can be. As I pursue that vision I must let go of the old vision to be open to the possibilities as they unfold.

I am sorry I have been silent so long but I am back.